Rebel in the arts
By Grace Okereke
Ghosting is a modern-day term that gained popularity in the romantic dating scene in the early 2000s and refers to the behaviour of one person abruptly ceasing contact with another, without providing a reason or explanation for severing ties. This behaviour often leaves recipients feeling confused, frustrated, hurt and grappling with unresolved issues.
I assume many of us have demonstrated this behaviour at some point, so I will not cast judgement unless it is a deliberate, repeated pattern, which has unfortunately become all too common and accepted. Although originally a romantic term, ghosting now applies to anyone with whom you have had a relationship who unceremoniously ignores your communications.
Professionally speaking, most of us have likely experienced ghosting more often than we care to admit. It is frustrating, disrespectful and sadly rampant; people seem increasingly comfortable with being discourteous. For clarity, my concern is not with those who ignore “cold” emails, but with “ghosting” during ongoing conversations where there has already been meaningful communication. They know who you are, you have communicated about the subject, and yet follow ups
are ignored.
I understand that many of us receive overwhelming volumes of email communications and operate under heavy, unmanageable workloads. But the question remains: can we do better? The answer is yes.
I work independently, which for me means I have more control over my working hours and conditions (though take this with a pinch of salt as it isn’t uncommon for me to put in 50 to 60 hours a week!). Earlier in my career, when I was employed, I experienced the inefficiencies and inflexible systems that often-made time and capacity management more difficult than necessary.
For instance, I frequently encountered unending internal meetings that could consume a full day of my weekly working hours. Don’t get me wrong, meetings are necessary.
But I have yet to see an organisation that runs them
efficiently, reduces workloads or uses them to meaningfully drive progress.
With less autonomy over your time and conditions, being responsive can indeed be challenging. But just because something is challenging it doesn’t make it impossible,
and I believe there are other reasons behind such
uncouth behaviour.
Barbara Field, in her Very Well Mind online article “How to Cope When You’ve Been Ghosted” (September 2024), explains that people who ghost often avoid uncomfortable situations. She notes that this behaviour, though perceived
as inconsiderate, typically stems from a person’s own
distress or inability to clearly communicate. In Psychology Today, behavioural scientist, Naula G. Walsh’s article, “Professional Ghosting: A Decision with Hidden Consequences” (April 2022), outlines key reasons for ghosting, such as apathy, conflict avoidance, convenience
and low accountability.
Walsh also links the rise of ghosting to the Covid-19 pandemic and highlights how social media enables those ghosted to vent publicly, often “outing” companies or individuals for their bad behaviour on social media.
As humans, none of us are perfect and we will all demonstrate questionable behaviour at times. But is it so much to ask that we all try a little harder to be decent to one another?
Ignoring someone with whom you have started or maintained a professional relationship wastes their time. In professional contexts, especially the performing arts, unanswered follow ups can lead to repeated attempts, wasting time and energy. Believe it or not, stating that you cannot move forward with the idea, opportunity or discussion is far better than leaving someone hanging. If even this feels too difficult, it might be worth reflecting on whether you are in the right role.
